Life, Love, snd Styrofoam
by TheDarkLordKeisha
Summary: Worst title ever. Mr. Eff and DBoy discuss Nny after another failed suicide. Oneshot.


Keisha: Salutations, people! I am The Dark Lord Keisha, and this is the first fic I've ever completed! Sad, isn't it? I've got like 50,000 other ideas and this P.O.S. is the first to be finished. _sigh _Well, maybe if I get enough positive reviews (or at least one) it'll motivate me enough to get off my ass and write the others.

Anypoo, this is an idea I came up with after coming home from Corpse Bride and reading JTHM. I was in a romantic mood, and I've always been a girl who's tried to look beyond the set characters, and see what goes on in the dark, closed recesses of their minds. I was at first horrified at the idea of incorporating romance into JTHM, because it usually just doesn't work. I was reading the comic where Johnny tries to kill himself with the tazer, (This fic takes place shortly after) and I thought, "I wonder what would happen if Eff had a crush on Nny?" Thus, this thing sprang out of me. So, yeah, there's some one-sided Eff/Johnny stuff in here, but it most of it is just implied and it will not lead to smoochies any time in the future. Hell, could YOU imagine Johnny kissing a styrofoam doll, even one as cool as Eff? I sure as shit can't. So this is a one-shot. I might include one more chapter simply to thank any reviews I get. (If any.)

I've tried to keep Eff, D-Boy, and Nny as in character as humanly possible, but there will be some OOCness. The reason for this? I'M NOT JHONEN-FUCKING-VASQUEZ. Thus I can't make them stay 100 IC at all times. First person who bitches about that is getting stabbed in the eye.

Disclaimer of DOOM: As previously mentioned I am not Jhonen Vasquez. He is a sexy, 30-something dude who owns JTHM. I am a stupid 18-year-old fangirl. I own nothing and make no profit from this. Hell, I owe Jhonen an apology for this.

* * *

If a normal person were watching, it would seem as though the dangerously thin man was talking to himself.

Truth was, he didn't know if he was or not.

Johnny C. had just finished yet another of the heated arguments between himself, and his voices. Nny was becoming convinced that he was unable to die, and to prove it, he'd put a tazer right to his temple. Somehow, he'd managed to survive. To celebrate, he'd gone to get a brainfreezy.

Nny was vaguely becoming aware that the Doughboys grew more powerful each day. This time, he swore he'd seen them walking. He was becoming worried about their growing strength. He knew that whatever was behind the wall was dangerous, but he was sick of being its slave. Nny's life was something of a Catch-22. If he continued to feed the wall, he'd probably never be free of it. He could never be in control again. But, if he stopped feeding it, it was pretty much a guarantee that the monster would get loose. Nny definitely didn't want that. And then there were the Doughboys. How did they tie in with that stupid wall? Were they really using him like Nailbunny said?

"_Oh well,_" Nny thought as he stood over the garroted body of the jackass who'd just called him a 'Noodly-armed fag', "_I suppose I could talk to Nailbunny about this all tomorrow._"

* * *

Mr. Fuck grinned. He'd won again. Nny survived another day.

Eff looked down at his hands and wiggled them around. He could still move. This was a good sign. The longer Nny stayed alive, the stronger Eff got, as he slowly became a real creature, and not just a figment of The Moose. He and Nny would be free of their shackles of servitude soon enough. No more would Eff have to take surrogate joy in the twisted look on Nny's face when he killed some one. No. Eff could do the killing himself. Just a few more days and he'd never serve anyone but himself again. He just needed Johnny to stay alive for a little while longer. After that, Nny could do what he wished.

Eff's grin faded slightly as he remembered the events that had transpired a few moments ago. It'd been too fucking close this time. For a moment, Eff had been scared that Nny truly was lost. Thankfully, Nny had forgotten to recharge the batteries. Still, the experience made Eff anxious. He couldn't lose Nny. Not yet. Not when he was so damn close.

Eff was snapped out of his train of thought when he heard a loud, angry sigh. The evil grin returned to his face. If there was anything he loved more than Nny's insane grin as he killed someone, it was seeing Psychodoughboy look pissed. He was obviously mad that he'd lost another opportunity to see Nny die, especially when he'd been so close this time. Eff knew there was only one thing to do when D-Boy was depressed: Brag.

"Aaaaw, whatzamatter? Are you sad cause you LOST? AGAIN?" Eff simpered in a sarcastic baby-voice.

D-Boy shot Eff a glare, then smirked arrogantly. "No, of course not. I'm confident that Johnny will come to his senses eventually. He can't ignore me for long."

"Oh bullshit. It's two against one, D-Boy, and you know it. The rabbit and I want Nny to live. You're just pissed that he's finally seeing who his true friend is."

"You are nothing more than a temporary outlet for him, Eff. A security blanket, if you will. He rests on you because he believes it will end his suffering. But soon he will realize that the only way to ease his pain is through a bullet to the brain. (Heh, I made a rhyme.)"

Eff made a 'pfft' sound. "You're in denial. Nny's not going to kill himself just cause you tell him to. He's a servant, but he's strong enough to know where his loyalties should lie. He's smarter than you give him credit for."

"Your affection for the boy is nothing short of adorable, Mr. Fuck, but I think you're the one who's truly in denial." Psychodoughboy gave his rival an evil smirk.

Eff blinked in confusion. "Affection? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Our master is patient," D-Boy continued, ignoring Eff's question, "but he has been waiting far too long. Even if Johnny does not die by his own hand, his servitude will eventually take its toll on his sanity, and there's truly nothing more painful than to have a complete mental collapse. He will be dead on the inside; a poor substitute, but it will get the job done. No matter what, Mr. Fuck, you will lose Johnny, and any hope for becoming 'a real boy', as Pinocchio would have put it."

Eff was starting to get angry. "That's where you're wrong. In case you haven't noticed, we're able to move of our own free will now. It's the first true step in becoming real. All Nny needs to do is keep up the killing for a few more days, and then I'll be free. I don't give a shit what happens to Nny after that. Or you for that matter."

Psychodoughboy grinned even more, as though he knew something Eff didn't. "This is where I don't believe you, Eff. Oh, I know you won't care what happens to me, and believe me the feeling is mutual. However, I have a feeling you DO care about what happens to the boy. Much more than you let on."

"What!" Eff stared at D-Boy in complete confusion. He immediately thanked whatever God there was that he didn't have the ability to blush.

"Tell me something Eff: Do you recall the disgusting girl Johnny had here a few weeks ago?"

Eff growled slightly. Oh he remembered all right. "That Devi bitch? Yeah."

"I seem to recall you getting very upset when Johnny brought the girl home. You seemed hell-bent on getting rid of her."

Eff looked around in embarrassment. "No, you wanted to get rid of her because she was making Nny happy. I wanted him to kill her so he could preserve that happiness."

"You are aware that does not make an ounce of sense, right?"

"Shut up!"

"Ah, getting defensive now, are we?" D-Boy's grin got impossibly larger. "Could it be that you wished the girl to die so that no one else could hold Nny's attention except you? Is this the reason you also wish to be rid of me?"

Eff was seething with anger. He'd never fully admitted it to himself, but he did like Nny a little more than he should have. Nny was simply supposed to prevent The Moose from getting out. Eff hadn't wanted his feelings toward him go this far. He had concluded a while ago that once he was real, he would simply delete Nny from his life. Feeling affection for anyone was a severe weakness, and on top of that Nny was a lost cause when it came to romance. However, there was NO fucking way he was going to admit that to Psychodoughboy, the little prick.

"Your silence is certainly incriminating you, Mr. Fuck." D-Boy bragged. The tables had turned on Eff. His affection for Nny and his desire to be real were his only weaknesses, other than his being styrofoam. They were going to lead to his undoing someday.

"_Easy, Eff, he's just trying to intimidate you._" Eff thought, glaring angrily at his normally depressed counterpart. Just as Eff opened his mouth to retaliate, the front door swung open.

Nny walked in, sucking absentmindedly on his brainfreezy. Behind him was the body of a man, whom Nny had obviously dragged by the leg all the way from the 24/7. He looked down at the two Doughboys in suspicion. Eff was once again thankful that he couldn't blush.

"What are you two talking about?" Nny asked.

"Nothing." The Doughboys said in unison.

Nny cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing. Finally, after a few minutes, he shrugged it off and continued to drag the body down to the basement, whistling the theme to 'Pepperidge Farm Goldfish' on the way down.

D-Boy shook his head and walked away, convinced he'd won the argument. Eff however, watched as his boy and the asshole he'd killed disappeared down the steps. He couldn't help but feel a twisted pride and pleasure toward Nny's latest kill. It just further served as proof that Nny was still ok. For now anyway. Tomorrow, who knows? Eff just had to admit that he was looking forward to finding out. No matter what D-Boy or that stupid rabbit thought, Nny was his, and he was going to make sure Nny lasted long enough to serve his purpose. And maybe longer if Eff felt like it. Once Eff was real, who knew what could happen?

End.

* * *

Ooookay. So that sucked. Hey, it's my first time, I'm sorry. So, please review. I like reviews.

As for flames, go ahead. All flaming does is make you look like an imbecile. I'm my own harshest critic (as you can plainly tell), so anything you say will simply fly past me. So bring 'em on. I shall consume them and gain the power to shoot chocolate-coated laser beams from my fingernails.

Au revoir!


End file.
